Man in the Mirror
by pgleelxo
Summary: Finn Hudson always had big dreams it just took a small girl to get those dreams out of him.


Finn Hudson strived to be someone bigger than Lima Ohio and that need only grew bigger when he met Rachel Berry. She had been all wide eyed, bossy, and determined, convinced she would be someone and would get out of Lima to do it. He admired her, wanted to be like her, and when they started dating he'd started to learn how. Senior year of high school had changed a lot for both of them, as a couple and as two separate beings. She was focusing on her college applications and making them as perfect as possible, while he still tried to figure out what it was he wanted to do with his life. The one thing he was sure of was that he wanted Rachel to be a part of his plan, a part of his future; even if that meant a break for it to happen. He saw the way people stared at him, how they were disappointed; so sure that he would rob her of a successful future all because he still saw himself attending the community college and keeping up the tire shop. Deep down he knew he could achieve more than that and the feeling grew bigger as Rachel reassured him.

Rachel's future included Broadway, success, and Finn. She wouldn't ever force him to come to New York with her but he needed to realize that he was good enough for that life. The night she gave herself to him, afterward, they'd lay cuddled in front of the fire place, talking about their futures and where they saw themselves after graduation, in five, and even in ten years. Rachel had stared him in the eyes, hand pressed against his cheek, and she told him straight out. He was good enough for anything he put his mind too and Finn had smiled and nodded. If Rachel Barbra Berry believed in him that much then it was about time he believed in himself too.

His decision to join the army had come as a shock but Rachel supported it because it wouldn't be right for her to keep him away from something he wanted to do. She understood it, after finding out what had really happened to his father Finn decided that he needed to understand him more. He felt as if the stories his mother had told him were lies and the only way he'd get to feel even remotely close to him is if he experienced his life style. Finn believed Burt when he explained that his father had still been a hero, had still put himself on the line for his country, and had died still in that mindset. He explained it to Rachel, his reasoning, his need, and she'd kissed him so deeply and told him that whatever he wanted was what she wanted for him too. If they were meant to be and she was sure they were then this wouldn't harm their relationship, it would only make them stronger.

The proposal hadn't been something either of them expected. Finn had found the ring one day and thought it would look perfect on her left hand and one thing lead to another, and he found the perfect moment to ask her. It was just after she got her acceptance letter into NYADA, the same time he'd been enlisted into the military. Rachel had said yes because she loved him, they were meant to be together, and if he ever got deployed they'd have that extra thing to ensure them that they were okay. It didn't mean they were going to get married right off. It wasn't what either of them wan ted; it was more of a promise that they would someday when the time was right. They seemed to both be good at figuring that out, even if at first it had been hard to tell. They both had their fair share of mistakes but it's what made them work so well, they fell into place and had a way about them that just made them right for one another.

That summer their parents went with them to New York as they bought their first apartment. They settled in nicely and were more than happy when the adults left back to Lima. It was bitter sweet but they were excited to feel like adults, something they both had trouble with sometimes. Rachel took him around the city to sight-see. He made her see a performance of Stomp, because "the beats are epic," and Rachel forced him into seeing as many Broadway shows as they could cram in. He complained just to tease her but he'd learned to love it. The summer came close to an end and they were both nervous. Rachel would be starting her classes and Finn would be gone, doing training in South Carolina. It wouldn't be for too long but just the thought of him being away scared her. They were strong though, and no one could tell her otherwise or make her feel differently. Rachel saw him off just days before her classes started up and she hugged him so tightly, with tears falling to his shirt before he had to board the plane.

He came back during the second semester of her first year. Rachel couldn't be happier. She kept a brave face on but she'd missed him more than anything and it was apparent that he had missed her just as much. They'd talked as much they could during his breaks but it got harder as Rachel's course load got added to and when she got a job. It was much easier to distract herself, and had even limited the time she spend with Kurt because it upset her. She wasn't trying to play victim but it was hard, she'd never had to be away from someone she loves for so long. She didn't know what she'd do if he was ever deployed.

Rachel was 23 when Finn had to leave, when he was deployed. Her world had stopped at first but when she'd seen how happy it made him she couldn't be upset about it. He'd finally be doing what he wanted with his life. He'd taken a few courses in education to balance his time but the military was really what he wanted to do with his life and besides the few trips he'd been on, to help areas in which natural disasters had happened, he hadn't done much but go back and forth between trainings. They'd spent the little time they had left before he left, together. They'd been married for a little over a year. They'd decided after her graduation from NYADA would be the perfect time for it, they were happy and in love, and as hard as it would be to watch him leave, it would make them stronger as a couple, and as their own people.

He was gone for a little over a year, finally getting to come back home, even if it was just for Christmas break. Finn was a different man, stronger, more determined, he had a fire in his eyes that had only been there when around Rachel, now he held it all the time, the way Rachel did. There were ways that he had changed for the worse but Rachel knew It was because of what he had seen there, from what she knew, he'd been on many missions, and had done a lot. He seemed happy to be home and they spent every moment they could together, sharing their time with their friends and family. Finn had been deeply missed and they were all relieved he was okay.

Months after he went back, Rachel found out she was pregnant. She felt as if she were in a movie, because things like this always seemed to happen in those, as did a relationship like theirs. Rachel was happy and after getting everything checked over with her doctor she mailed him a letter with a care package she always sent him, with things he requested. When she receives his letter back she can't help but smile. He'd be home soon and they could be a family. She was saddened by the fact that he would miss milestones in her pregnancy but he wouldn't miss the birth; there would be no way he could.

Rachel felt as if her world had fallen apart as the man in uniform explained what had happened at her door. Her hands rested on her prominent belly, hoping that the kicking would provide some type of comfort. It only calmed her down a little as she nodded her head, trying to grasp exactly what the man was telling her. Finn was dead, the love her life was dead, and she didn't know how to react. She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, but instead she thanks the man at the door, listening as he told her the things she would have to do, the next steps. She would follow his directions as he explained them and she'd make the calls that needed to be made. Everything would work out, they had too, and it's something they always promised one another.

Rachel stood in a crowd of people; her friends and her family. She'd just read his eulogy and she looked nothing but stony. This whole process had been exhausting and she'd done nothing but take charge. She'd lent a shoulder for his family and the closest of his friends, meanwhile keeping her own emotions under-wrap. She had to be the strong one, she always felt like she needed to be the strong one. She didn't know what she was going to do without him, didn't understand why this had to happen to them. She's so angry at him for wanting to join the army in the first place but at the same time so proud. The way he died was honorable and so in character for him, and it only made her feel worse for being upset. It was like a rule to not let anything cloud your judgment, to just continue doing as your supposed to, but Finn never fully followed rules. The child in the middle of the road looked as if they needed help and he wasn't going to continue going without checking up. As it turned out the child did need help, their family having left them with a bomb that had detonated as Finn came close. He'd died in the explosion as did many of the others around in the area.

Finn had always tried to be a caring guy, always tried to be helpful and there for others. It made sense that he would die helping someone else, but it didn't make the pain go away. Rachel loved him more than anything and now he was gone. He would never meet their child and they would never grow old together the way they sometimes discussed, but the feeling of pride almost took over the pain she felt inside. She knew that eventually all of this would catch up to her. That eventually the tears would fall and she wouldn't be able to stop them but for now she'd keep the strong suit up, she'd be there for the others, and talk about how proud they were of him, even if it broke their hard that he had to leave so early.

Some things you just can't control and Rachel had to learn it the hard way. As they lay his casket in the ground she thinks about what they always said; everything would work out; she didn't know what was in store for her now, but it would have to be okay, she'd have to find a way to make it okay because it's what Finn would want.


End file.
